Finding Success as an Adult Diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.
ADD and ADHD differences and similarities.
First, let’s look at what ADD and ADHD are. ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, and ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder are essentially the same thing and are commonly used interchangeably. The slight difference is that the Hyperactivity component is not always present with ADD and, if it is, it generally manifests in men much more often than women. Basically then, the Hyperactivity component consists of restlessness and fidgeting.
Those of us diagnosed with ADD/ADHD may feel it to be a life changing event, but it shouldn’t be a heartrending experience; and that’s because there are a lot of positives behind the diagnosis. Chances are you may have had a sneaking suspicion of your attention deficit, but maybe it did not jump right out at you. After all, you are reasonably intelligent but for some reason, the discipline of quietly studying you find is exceedingly difficult to tolerate.
Anyone diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as an adult had the condition as a child. The signs may simply have been overlooked, as they often are. Acting up and being “hyper” are two of the most common aspects. Your doctor or mental health provider may be able to validate your condition simply by looking at your grade-school marks.
Interestingly enough, women are most likely to be diagnosed with the disorder in when in adulthood, whereas men generally receive it in childhood. ADHD, the hyperactivity component generally fades in adulthood. But the Attention Deficit remains.
If you are diagnosed with ADD then you have been familiarized with some of its symptoms. These symptoms include chronic procrastination; getting frustrated easily; drifting off when people are talking; and starting projects but not finishing them. These are just to name a few. If you are interested in a more comprehensive list, you can check the web. A site of particular help is Attitude, and their questionnaire is here.
ADD symptoms are not set in stone.
The description of ADD symptoms are simply rough outlines of the types of behavior associated with this condition. For instance, some days a person will be “on”; that is, they will be able to focus and concentrate and get things done that they want to get done. Other days they can be completely off. They get distracted easily, lose track of thought and become absentminded. Unfortunately, because a person can at times be totally focused and at others, totally lose focus, people with ADD can (and often are) stigmatized as willful or sloppy, making careless mistakes, or as not caring about doing what they are supposed to do. This affects the child’s self-esteem and can lead to outbursts of frustration.
But this is all a part of the perplexing world of this condition. You may know or even have a child who has been diagnosed and you may seem them immersed in video games but when it comes time to study, they can’t be bothered. Now there is more to this than simply the condition because most kids will choose videogames over homework given the option. The difference h
ere is that the non-ADD will, once cajoled, focus on his or her homework when so instructed. The child afflicted with ADD has a much harder time making the adjustment.
Many parents and teachers, not to mention employers, have felt the frustration of having a child, student or employee who seems to want to do well, and at time does, but then at other times acts hard-headed and stubborn. What is to be done?
Social impacts of ADD and how to spot them.
OK, we have completed a rough overview of ADD, so now let’s look more deeply into its social ramifications and our ability to recognize our symptoms and understand their impact. For a deeper analysis on this subject you can find a highly readable extract here. Another interesting article from Harvard entitled, “The Toll of Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults”, you can find here.
Social activities such as parties or other group get-togethers tend to be a source of anxiety for those of us with this disorder. Because one of the hallmarks of ADD is that we tend to take in everything at once (hence the difficulty of concentration) we can become overwhelmed by all the activity taking place. This can be quite unnerving and lead to becoming overactive or, conversely, withdrawal from and avoidance of events. Many of us, as children, have been escorted out of birthday parties and blackballed by our friends for social events due to being overly aggressive or hyperactive. Again, self esteem suffers and loneliness increases.
Many adults with ADHD find it difficult to maintain healthy friendships and if one takes to drink, another common side effect of ADD, then that makes the process all the more difficult. Our friendships sustain us in life and it’s very important to have deep, intimate relationships with others. Yet to our detriment many of us don’t know how to go about this relatively simple task. The result can be depression, alienation, and a deep feeling of loneliness.
Closely related to the ability to form friendships is the ability to be a good partner when in a relationship. ADD can contribute to forgetfulness, which can have a huge impact on anniversaries and Valentine’s Day! But, moreover, the inability to concentrate, or focus on the task at hand often does lead to feelings of frustration and anger which can be misconstrued as aggressiveness. One’s impulsivity can be seen by others who are unaware or uninformed about the condition as rude or self-centered, among other negative feelings/This can lead to one’s partner distancing themselves or even to ending the relationship altogether. In fact, people with ADD suffer a higher rate of divorce than those without the condition. According to the Harvard article, The Toll of Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults listed above, “The APA says that adults with ADD are twice as likely to divorce or separate than adults without the disorder.”
Another association to the disorder stems from the excitement seeking and risk-taking aspect of ADD. Adults with ADD are more likely to engage in self-harming activities such as smoking and recreational drug use. These activities serve to exacerbate the effects of our disorder. But, by paying careful attention to our feelings and habits, we can learn to understand our triggers and avoid self-defeating behavior, more on that shortly.
So, in addition to the ADD symptoms, the attraction to drugs and alcohol that many of us experience can, and often does, have a serious impact on our professional life. Some of us are chronically late to work and when we get there are extremely unorganized. This means we are unable to efficiently complete tasks and feel constantly overwhelmed. Sufferers of ADD are more likely to be fired than their counterparts, and it’s no wonder why; ADD affected adults can spend large swaths of time on minor projects while ignoring the major projects that the boss wants done. Relationships with co-workers can be strained due to the ADD sufferer’s inability to read facial expressions or body language. Unintentionally, then we can alienate the people we need to depend on. Add afflicted adults are often prone to unconsciously deliver backhanded compliments without realizing it, giving them a reputation for sarcasm or just plain rudeness.
Managing our ADD naturally and without the use of drugs.
Now the good news! We are not children of fate. We don’t have to be relegated to social ostracization, loneliness, perpetual anxiety and frustration. We are entirely capable of bringing our symptoms under control. This won’t mean we are “cured” but what it does mean is that we can live happy and prosperous lives. Think about it. ADD has nothing to do with your humanity, your intellect or your creativity. Quite the opposite, in fact, many successful entrepreneurs, artists and performers have ADD.
Have you ever heard of Richard Branson? Yes, THAT Richard Branson, the multibillionaire who founded Virgin Air and serial entrepreneur, he’s a fellow ADD-er. As are many painters, actors and performers. In fact, according the famous actor Sam Neill, “All artists have ADD…”. And not only entrepreneurs and artists but you might be surprised at the famous scientists who have been diagnosed with ADD. Why all these creative types? Well, one of the gifts of ADD is a dissatisfaction with the norm and a powerful desire to create one’s own world. Of course, delinquency is always a possibility (it is often a function of frustrated intelligence) but those of us who push beyond that stage find a powerful creative drive and the persistence to back it up.
Naturally curious, us ADD-ers must ask, “Are there any good books on the subject?” Of course there are plenty of books, articles and documentaries to help you understand you condition and to take control of your life. Highly recommended on Amazon is “Healing ADD.” This book explores some of the latest ideas around the ADD puzzle and offers serious advice for the sufferer. Yet another, more recent work is, “Thriving with Adult ADHD.” This book is designed to supply you with useful strategies for dealing with your ADD. For a comprehensive list of books and documentaries for both kids and adults with ADD, head on over to the Friendship Circle blog.
Things we can do NOW to help manage our ADD.
Mindfulness
First, let’s start with our inner critic, because many of us have endured critical judgements our entire lives, we have internalized much of it. Even if we haven’t come from an overly critical environment, people with ADD do tend to be their own worst critics. So, the reason we start here is simply since if we can’t mitigate this aspect of our ADD, we will have a tougher time following through with our other techniques.
Right, so many of us are restless and like to keep moving which means that sitting for an extended period spooks us. The great thing about practicing mindfulness is that it can be done in as little as five minutes. Mindfulness is simply the process of calming your mind, slowing down the myriad of thought that are constantly bombarding you. And, better yet, one does not have to sit in the lotus position to reap the benefits. There’s a Buddhist saying that when you are walking, simply walk. A calm meditative foray into your neighborhood or your favorite nature spot will do wonders for your ability to concentrate and focus. What’s more, the effect will build over time (as well as your physical health!) and become a treasured part of your daily routine.
Exercise.
That’s right, good old-fashioned exercise! Lifting weights, doing push-ups, jogging. All have a net positive effect on your overall health. And that includes your self-esteem. Want to get a jolt of positive energy that will really help you focus? Good, vigorous exercise is just what the doctor ordered. Now, if you are just starting to get in shape then first consult your doctor who will likely advise you to start your exercise routine slowly. This will help you to avoid injury and make your journey much more satisfying.
A good idea when it comes to exercise is to find a partner to share it with. This is a good idea when it comes to weight training, but it also means that you and your partner can help to keep each other motivated.
Think of joining a martial arts class. Some psychologists feel that a good martial arts course does wonders for helping people who have difficulty managing their anger and frustration. They key to a good martial arts experience is always the culture of the class, which is a direct reflection of the head instructor’s attitude. If you choose this route then spend some time sitting in on classes, most instructors will welcome spectators. The class atmosphere should contain a mixture of encouragement, respect among practitioners, and a commitment to focus. A good instructor will never be a bully, nor will they encourage bullying. Furthermore, a good instructor has a respect and love of their art which shows, and they avoid politics altogether. If you find yourself in a school that salutes the flag, has religious overtones or otherwise adding a confusing element to the practice, then you may want to consider another school.
Organization.
The ADD-ers Achilles’ heel. Nevertheless, organization is a crucial element to our success and wellbeing. What we all need to keep us from getting distracted is a logical regimen that we can follow. This can be a whiteboard in our study area, reminders on your computer, a day timer or just your average notebook. What matters is that you have a reference source that you use to keep you on track. The importance of giving your day structure cannot be understated.
You will find that diligent adherence to a structure will allow you to accomplish your goals, whereas before many of them were left only partially completed. And when you reach your goals your self-esteem improves, which allows you to set larger goals as your confidence increases.
Think of creating you structure as an exercise in mindfulness for you will be intensely focusing on what you want your day to look like, and this will tend to quite the wild array of ideas that you are always contending with.
Sleep.
Sleep is crucial for everyone, but it is especially important for us. Many a morning we wake up exhausted and listless, and tired. And we carry this through the day, day after day.
A solid night’s sleep restores our energy, allowing us to work with our ADD symptoms in a positive way. But achieving healthy sleep habits is often very difficult for us. As we lay in bed at night, all the thought that assault us during the day are still there – making their presence known. This natural restlessness is indeed a source of consternation but it, too, can be brought under control. Remember the practice of mindfulness? This is yet another area where your practice pays off. The calming of the mind, the deep breaths, the ability to relax your muscles. All these things come together for your benefit.
To help you along into sweet dreams, a nice cup of herbal tea (no caffeine) is a great idea,
Diet and supplements.
Your diet is also critical. Junk foods are just that, junk. Re commit yourself to eating only healthy foods (yes, cheating is allowed on occasion), curtailing your alcohol consumption, or the use of other drugs. Pick up a cookbook or two for ADD-ers.
Nutritional supplements are always recommended both as a way to stay healthy and to treat our symptoms. Omega-3s (and 6s) are believed to help promote concentration, Zinc seems to have a calming effect on impulsivity and Iron can be used to also help control behavioral problems.
As with physical exercise routines, consult with your doctor and nutritionist prior to making a radical change. They can help you to successfully acclimate to your new lifestyle.
